I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
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