I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
