I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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