My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
