By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
