if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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