dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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