those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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