dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
