$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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