I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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