I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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