I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
