Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
