just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
