Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
babies were throwing up all over the place
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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