Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize