It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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