I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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