i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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