he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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