And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Found the puke drawer
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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