More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
