Acid is not a monday night drug
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Your cock deserves a montage
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
