i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize