dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
