i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
