Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
