I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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