Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
