i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
