I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
