tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
a search helicopter?!
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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