you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
