I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
