o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
