Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
