just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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