i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
