Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
