She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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