Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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