I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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