mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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