the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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