I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So much rum. So many feels.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
