Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
