Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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