if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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