This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
