If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Nicole vs. Life
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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