u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
