Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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