Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
