mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
