Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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