Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
kristin has been a bad kristin
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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