the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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