The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
