Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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