i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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