I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
