did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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