Cold hands, warm shart.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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