y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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