It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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