then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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