Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
