Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
DO IT!
Randomize
