My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
