Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
