I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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