Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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