I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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