we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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