but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
