Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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