is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
